can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
