I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
