Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
