My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
