can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
