Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
