i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
