Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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