Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
