Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
