I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
