you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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