Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
