How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
