I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Farmville is her only friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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