I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
