I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
