I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can I color on your dick again?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
