He uses pillows to masturbate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
