Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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