i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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