what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
