i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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