Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
