I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
