So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
