i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
