i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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