I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
