I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
