i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
