the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
