But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
