My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
