the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
