Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize