someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
