Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
