and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
