I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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