I love black thongs
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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