i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
