I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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