I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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