Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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