You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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