i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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