hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
