Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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