She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
