Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
