I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
