just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
