Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
