either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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