They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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