How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
