did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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