ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
