My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
