I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize