I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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