direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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