She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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