why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
