How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
