We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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