Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
