Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
