So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
