just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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