My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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