I bet he comes in French.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
