God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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